The Purse

The day after we had our diagnosis we spent the day watching the dragon boat races in The Forks. Our oldest son Nicolas was a part of this special fundraiser for Breast Cancer research. We had already decided that we would not spoil his weekend, but would get together with him on Sunday afternoon to break the news.

Except for my world having been torn apart the day before it was turning out to be a good day. I made sure I wore my sunglasses that would hide my tears from the world. I did not think that I could spent the day pretending that everything was alright, but God gave me the strength to pull it off for our son's sake.

The races were about half over when I felt the walls around me closing in and I felt like I was suffocating. I told Wes that I needed to go for a walk just to try and catch my breath. Wes held my hand and kept reminding me that he was right there with me.

We sat down on a bench and watched in silence as people walked by completely oblivious to my pain. My world had become very small, very self-centred and very black. Though Wes was constantly reminding me that God was in control and that there was nothing we could do to change the situation I wasn't ready to listen.

As we sat there an old couple walked by. They were walking side by side and he was carrying her purse and he didn't look very happy about it. I shoved my elbow into Wes' side and said "That was supposed to be us 40 years from now!" And for a short moment we could laugh and a tiny piece of the blackness in my heart began to fade away, but I still had a long way to go.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12