Tears are the words the heart can't express...
I will begin with the tears of thankfulness. Wes had been wanting to see our family doctor, but had been unsuccessful in catching him during work hours. Finally Wes left a message at his house to let him know that he wanted to speak with him, just to let him know how well things were going.
Our doctor called Wes back on his cell, but was determined he wanted to see us in person. We met with him after hours and weren't quite sure what to expect, but we sat together for nearly an hour and just talked. He was so happy that Wes was looking so good and that the surgery had gone well. We shared and listened and again thanked God for a Christian doctor. He hugged us both goodbye and walked us to the door. We know that he will be there for us in the future because he told us he would and that is a comforting thought.
More tears of thankfulness came as I reflected the outpouring of affection from family and friends that has come and continues to come in so many different ways. Promises of prayer, a hug, a smile, a listening ear, a card, a call, a text, an email, a comment on the blog, a meal, extra food and baking and an anonymous gift. It's hard to explain how overwhelming these expressions of love can be unless you experience it.
These drawings were done by our niece Allyson and nephew Jordan for Uncle Wes. Another expression of love.
Now, the 'letting go' part. For those of you who have known Wes and myself for the past decade or so you know how closely we have always worked as a team. In Sunday School, as deacons and in drama, we have always done everything together. In the past years we have had so much fun creating different productions together. Whatever I wanted built on stage Wes would built what I needed and more often than not he would go beyond what I had expected or even asked for.
Before the diagnosis I had asked Wes to help me with a project for Pastor Terry D. who was developing a sermon series called "Global Giants". The idea I had was to build a shanty on stage that would help to remind the congregation that there are people in the world who actually live in a similar house. Wes agreed to build it for me and then came the diagnosis and we knew it wasn't going to happen, at least not through him.
I asked a gentleman named Abe from our church to help me out with creating this shanty for me and he agreed. He asked another gentleman, Jon to help him and together they designed and built a beautiful and sad looking poverty stricken shanty. When I was working on the Global Giants foyer display at the church on Friday afternoon I walked into the sanctuary and saw the shanty for the first time. I really loved it, but the sight of it made me catch my breath, why was this so hard?
On Saturday, I asked Wes if he had had a chance to see the shanty and he insisted that we stop by the church so he could see it. We walked down the aisle together and he commented on what a nice job the guys had done. After we had walked around the shanty on stage looking at it, we sat down on the communion table facing the stage and as we sat together admiring the work my heart felt such a deep sadness because it was another change in our life that reminded me that life was not what it had been a few months ago. We stood and began walking down the aisle together as I worked to hold the tears in, but they came, late at night when I thought back to all the staging that we have worked on together over the years.
'I will forget my complaint, I will change my expression, and smile,' Job 9:27
When I was little I wanted time to fly, because I was in a hurry to fulfill my dreams for the future. Then the future came as God deemed it to go and now in desperation to recapture what was, I spend time looking back.
I thank God for the happy memories I have had growing up and in my married life and I know that God has all the plans for our life already laid out and worrying about them won't change a thing, but reminding myself to trust God for the future and holding onto the special moments, embracing life for what it is...well, that's the best we can do.
'Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come?' Ecclesiastes 8:7
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