Hope...& sisters
When I was a very young girl I remember going to the pool with my sisters. One particular time I was standing in the corner of the pool watching the kids jumping in, laughing and having fun. I had always been nervous around water and that day was no different. I stayed close to the edge holding on to the steel ladder because I couldn't swim and I didn't want to wander too far into the water.
An older boy that I didn't know came toward me and before I could get out of the water, he had grabbed a hold of me and held my head under water. I will never forget that feeling of gasping for air, scrambling to keep my footing and fighting to bring my head up, but there was no escaping his strong hold.
I could hear the other kids yelling at him to let me go, but he wouldn't. It felt like forever. I don't know what finally convinced him to let me up for air, but he did let go eventually and I scrambled up the ladder. I still have a healthy fear of water.
That first week after the diagnosis I had the same feeling as I had years ago in the pool, I was drowning and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop it.
But, one of the first pieces of advice that we received from many people who had gone through or were going through their own struggles was "Don't lose hope!"
We've tried very hard to maintain that attitude and Wes has been much better at it than me. But periodically that drowning feeling of fear comes and it can be triggered by the silliest thing, like someone sharing a depressing story at a weak moment.
For the most part people have shared encouraging stories of survival, but every once in a while without thinking someone will share something very discouraging. They don't mean too, but it happens.
Wes has been good with reminding me every time I hear something discouraging that every situation is different and let's just keep praying, because no one can predict what God will do. So, we have tried to stay upbeat and positive as we've continued on.
This past weekend though, again someone shared with Wes a very tragic story that had many similar aspects to our story, but did not turn out so well. So, we began this week with heavy hearts and dark fears.
We tried to pull ourselves up, but this time it was very tough, even for Wes.
The week before my sisters had asked if we would meet them for supper because they were coming out to do some shopping. We didn't realize how much we were going to need that time out!
They called and we walked across the street to the restaurant to meet them. Well, what an evening we had!
We laughed...
then laughed some more...
We had such a good time with them! They had been arguing about what was the fasted way to get to Grant Avenue from Polo Park. Wanda said they needed to turn West and my sister Cheryl wanted to go East. They wanted to know from me who was right...I'm not stupid, I grew up in the middle of their arguments and being the youngest I learned pretty quick when I should get involved and when I should stay out. I tried to stay very diplomatic in my answer...actually come to think of it, I don't think I ever really gave them an answer...smart move!
It felt so good to laugh about nothing and everything. Of course we made friends with the waitress who had the same name as my sister Cheryl's daughter Lindsay. My sister asked her if she had trouble with people spelling her name wrong.
"Oh yeah" she said "but the worst was on my wedding day when my husband was writing my name and he spelled it Lindsey! His mother looked at it and had to tell him he spelled it wrong!"
As we left the restaurant we all hugged goodbye and I found it hard to walk away. They had brought such a normalcy to our tired world and for that short time we forgot our fears and just enjoyed life.
They were laughing and giggling as they walked toward the vehicle when my sister Cheryl yelled out "We're going home! We're going East!" And with another burst of laughter they climbed in.
As we walked across the street Nic said with a laugh "They're actually a lot more fun when they are by themselves! They are really funny"
They were fun and they have no idea how much we needed that time away from reality. I had asked them to make sure that they text me to let us know that they had made it home safely. Later that evening I received a text from Cheryl that said "We're home...we went East to get there. Ha ha!"
We woke the next morning and had some time to waste before our 1:30 appointment. Wes slept for most of the morning and then we left. Immediately following the radiation we went in to see our doctor.
He sat down across from us and when he looked at Wes he smiled, "They have obviously turned up the heat downstairs, your head is getting pretty red." He stood and checked the burns and after Wes assured him that he was not having pain as a result of it he sat down again. "We are very happy with how the radiation is going!" he said and then with a grin he shook our hands and walked out.
We walked out of the hospital with such light hearts. We stopped in at Superstore before we went back to the apartment and we finally both opened up about the pressure that we had been feeling this time. We had not even realized how down we were because of the story this person had shared until we were offered a glimpse of hope again by the doctor.
We celebrated...we bought fresh fruit...
I'm always amazed at how when we feel discouraged and tired, God doesn't allow it to go on for too long...he sends...well, this time he sent family and I'm so glad he did!
"Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed."
Psalm 119:116
An older boy that I didn't know came toward me and before I could get out of the water, he had grabbed a hold of me and held my head under water. I will never forget that feeling of gasping for air, scrambling to keep my footing and fighting to bring my head up, but there was no escaping his strong hold.
I could hear the other kids yelling at him to let me go, but he wouldn't. It felt like forever. I don't know what finally convinced him to let me up for air, but he did let go eventually and I scrambled up the ladder. I still have a healthy fear of water.
That first week after the diagnosis I had the same feeling as I had years ago in the pool, I was drowning and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop it.
But, one of the first pieces of advice that we received from many people who had gone through or were going through their own struggles was "Don't lose hope!"
We've tried very hard to maintain that attitude and Wes has been much better at it than me. But periodically that drowning feeling of fear comes and it can be triggered by the silliest thing, like someone sharing a depressing story at a weak moment.
For the most part people have shared encouraging stories of survival, but every once in a while without thinking someone will share something very discouraging. They don't mean too, but it happens.
Wes has been good with reminding me every time I hear something discouraging that every situation is different and let's just keep praying, because no one can predict what God will do. So, we have tried to stay upbeat and positive as we've continued on.
This past weekend though, again someone shared with Wes a very tragic story that had many similar aspects to our story, but did not turn out so well. So, we began this week with heavy hearts and dark fears.
We tried to pull ourselves up, but this time it was very tough, even for Wes.
The week before my sisters had asked if we would meet them for supper because they were coming out to do some shopping. We didn't realize how much we were going to need that time out!
They called and we walked across the street to the restaurant to meet them. Well, what an evening we had!
We laughed...
then laughed some more...
We had such a good time with them! They had been arguing about what was the fasted way to get to Grant Avenue from Polo Park. Wanda said they needed to turn West and my sister Cheryl wanted to go East. They wanted to know from me who was right...I'm not stupid, I grew up in the middle of their arguments and being the youngest I learned pretty quick when I should get involved and when I should stay out. I tried to stay very diplomatic in my answer...actually come to think of it, I don't think I ever really gave them an answer...smart move!
It felt so good to laugh about nothing and everything. Of course we made friends with the waitress who had the same name as my sister Cheryl's daughter Lindsay. My sister asked her if she had trouble with people spelling her name wrong.
"Oh yeah" she said "but the worst was on my wedding day when my husband was writing my name and he spelled it Lindsey! His mother looked at it and had to tell him he spelled it wrong!"
As we left the restaurant we all hugged goodbye and I found it hard to walk away. They had brought such a normalcy to our tired world and for that short time we forgot our fears and just enjoyed life.
They were laughing and giggling as they walked toward the vehicle when my sister Cheryl yelled out "We're going home! We're going East!" And with another burst of laughter they climbed in.
As we walked across the street Nic said with a laugh "They're actually a lot more fun when they are by themselves! They are really funny"
They were fun and they have no idea how much we needed that time away from reality. I had asked them to make sure that they text me to let us know that they had made it home safely. Later that evening I received a text from Cheryl that said "We're home...we went East to get there. Ha ha!"
We woke the next morning and had some time to waste before our 1:30 appointment. Wes slept for most of the morning and then we left. Immediately following the radiation we went in to see our doctor.
He sat down across from us and when he looked at Wes he smiled, "They have obviously turned up the heat downstairs, your head is getting pretty red." He stood and checked the burns and after Wes assured him that he was not having pain as a result of it he sat down again. "We are very happy with how the radiation is going!" he said and then with a grin he shook our hands and walked out.
We walked out of the hospital with such light hearts. We stopped in at Superstore before we went back to the apartment and we finally both opened up about the pressure that we had been feeling this time. We had not even realized how down we were because of the story this person had shared until we were offered a glimpse of hope again by the doctor.
We celebrated...we bought fresh fruit...
I'm always amazed at how when we feel discouraged and tired, God doesn't allow it to go on for too long...he sends...well, this time he sent family and I'm so glad he did!
"Sustain me according to your promise, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed."
Psalm 119:116
Comments
We continue to pray for you!
Bert & Doreen