How are things going with Wes?

Well, you asked the right question! The month of January, as most of you who spend time reading this blog, was spent sleeping/napping/snoozing. It seemed as though Wes could never get enough rest and Dr. Butler along with our clinical pharmacist told him that he needed to make sure that he listened to his body. When his body said it was time to rest he needed to do exactly that. And it wasn't all that difficult and I even got used to our 9-9:30 bedtime.

So, when the month of February rolled around and we knew that his next round of chemo pills would begin again in a five day stretch, I wondered what that would look like. How in the world can he sleep any more than he already is? I imagined that he would completely sleep away 2009, but hey, if that is the worst thing that 's going to happen this year, a sleeping but alive husband? Well, I think that's a problem I can cope with!

So, Wes finished his round of chemo pills during the February long weekend and I waited. And you're always waiting for that other shoe to drop, watching his every move, poor guy, every time he yawned I would ask, "Are you OK? Feeling tired?"

In the past two weeks I have realized that something has changed, there's been a shift in how he's feeling. He began sleeping less and less, but he wasn't doing it on purpose, he just wasn't as tired anymore. I figured that this couldn't last, but it did. Though he is still very cautious not to overdo anything and he still prefers to get a solid night's sleep in, he's been feeling really good.

People will ask how Wes is doing and I hardly know how to answer. Every time someone asks you feel like shouting it from the roof tops "He's doing so amazingly well! Praise God!" Now, I know you're thinking, "What's so bad about saying that?" Did you read the 'shouting' part? But, in all seriousness, Wes is doing incredibly well. I know he's quick to remind me that things can change in an instant, but in this moment of healthy reprieve we continue to celebrate God's graciousness and to lean on His strength. He has his next MRI at HSC on April 21st, then on April 24th we see Dr. Butler for the results. We are praying for more positive results. Please pray that with us.

I know I've said it to a few people over the past six months, but it's so hard to explain until you've had to experience a situation that literally turns your life upside down, until you've been drained of all your physical and emotional resources, until you have been challenged to face life or death head on you truly do not realize the mighty power of God. And even then, you don't have a hot clue of how incredibly powerful He is!

That power, makes you humble. That power, is nothing that you can take for granted. That power forces you to fall down before Him and worship in a way that goes beyond words or music or feelings.

When people talk about 'experiencing' God, I think to myself that even the moment I accepted Christ into my heart, the miracle of the birth of our two sons or the truck accident that should have claimed my life, but didn't, none of these miracles have compared to watching the raw, commanding and breathtaking power of God.

Years ago I watched a documentary on tornado's and they spoke of the eye of the tornado and how at the centre of it all there is a silence, an almost peaceful like feeling. There have only been two men recorded to have survived the eye of the tornado, one farmer in 1928 and another in 1951. The one soybean farmer who survived being at the centre of a tornado described it like this...

...the inside has a smooth wall of clouds, with smaller twisters swirling around the inside before breaking free. There is non-stop lightning that creates a bluish light, enabling you to see everything clearly. And then, just like that, the tornado passes and the sky turns sunny.

When people want to know how it feels to walk through this time I haven't always known how to describe it, but that is it. In the midst of everything around you spinning out of control, God keeps you at the centre of his love covering you and protecting you in its midst. You are fully aware and completely a part of what feels like mass destruction, but for reasons that are hard to explain, amidst the chaos you feel at peace. It's your worst nightmare and greatest salvation wrapped up in one.

For those who have publicly said to the world on the side of a few buses, "There is probably no god, now stop worrying and enjoy your life" I would say, the day will come when you will experience the worst tornado of your life and the God whom you have so carelessly dispelled from your life will suddenly come in with the force of a thousand tornado's and I believe without a doubt that though by your own choice you have cast him from your life, he will not have forgotten you. I do not envy you the day you find out that your beliefs about a godless world were wrong.

I think I'd rather be safe in the eye of the power of God, than on the outside looking in.

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18