A GOODBYE AND A PROMISE
A few weeks ago we said ‘goodbye’ to my
dad. I’ve told a few people that if you
have to die my dad had a wonderful death.
You might wonder, is there such
a thing? Actually there is. Just prior to his death my dad struggled with
regrets, something we all will have to process at some point in our lives
because no one has lived a perfect life. Still, when my dad had questions or doubts he didn’t just keep them inside but
he asked for help and help came in the form of two wonderful pastors. Pastor Wilbert Friesen, who is the chaplain
at Salem Home and Pastor Jeremy Isaak from The Winkler Mennonite Church. These gentlemen who are at the opposite ends
of the spectrum as far as age goes are definitely on the same page when it
comes to caring for the elderly. They
were a life preserver that God provided to offer my dad a safe place to share
his thoughts and his fears and they provided that safe place with continual
love and care.
I once read that our older generation is like a really good book, a book we rarely open. Their lives are filled with a collection of interesting stories and valuable life lessons, something we often overlook because all we see are failing bodies and aging faces. Yet as I watched, these two men didn’t politely sit and listen to my dad out of pastoral duty, but it was out of a genuine love for him. When my dad was wheelchair bound Jeremy took him for a walk, he asked him his favorite song to which my dad replied, “To the River” and so Jeremy sang that song to him as they walked along. My dad appreciated that moment so much. When it was time to say goodbye I have watched as Jeremy would lean in close and whisper, “I love you Wes”. My dad accepted those expressions of love with gratitude and many tears.
I think for me the most pivotal moment was the last time that Wilbert read scripture to my dad. At this point my dad was no longer responding to us. The warm hand squeezes had ceased and there was no more recognition for anyone in his eyes. Those were the hardest moments for my mom because his hand squeezes had become his declarations of love for her when his voice could no longer speak them and his eyes would always follow her wherever she was in the room. And when those ended her heart was broken.
During his last days my Dad’s breathing had developed what they call the death rattle. It’s a loud gurgling type of breathing developed because of his inability to swallow and most often with Parkinson patients this is what causes them to asphyxiate, not a pleasant kind of death to think of. And to be honest I was extremely afraid of what that might look like. My husband Wes had such a peaceful death for which I am so grateful but that made me unsure of what to expect in this situation.
We were blessed to be there as a family during those last moments, his wife, his girls and his two son-in-laws. We surrounded his bedside with tears and a certain amount of unbelief that we had come to this moment.
Pastor Wilbert was with us and we watched as he touched dad’s shoulder, gently stroked his cheek and then leaned in close to let dad know he was there and that he loved him. He then spoke encouraging words to us as a family. But, it was as he was reading John 14:27 that we noticed a subtle change in dad’s face and demeanor, Wilbert read, “Peace I leave with you’ my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”. The miracle that followed was that for 3 days dad had not responded to anything, but when Wilbert read the words, “…do not be afraid” dad actually swallowed twice, which in and of itself was a complete miracle and his breathing instantly quieted and it was as though he leaned in to every word that Wilbert spoke though he never moved. It was an incredible moment and I believe that God was clearly showing us the power of His Word. Wilbert offered some final words, allowing us as a family to respond to dad that he was free to go and it was only a few minutes later that he did. We could not have been granted a greater miracle from God to experience this last peaceful moment of passing from death to life with our dad. God honored my father by blessing his family as He took him home in the most peaceful and quiet way.
Psalm 42 speaks of our thirst for God “just as the deer pants for the water” and it also invites us to put “our hope in God when our souls are downcast”. In verse 7 it says, “Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.” It’s not talking about a light rain; it is speaking of being overwhelmed by torrential waves sweeping over us.
When you are grieving it is devastating and there is a fear deep down that the roar of the tempestuous waterfalls of sorrow that consume your heart and mind will never stop and I’m sorry but I can’t promise you that they will go away, but they do quiet.
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| Wes admiring the beautiful Niagara Falls |
I wondered why God had directed me to Psalm 42 this week, why would he think I needed more lamenting in my life. But it was when I read the next verse, verse 8, that I once more experienced the power of God’s Word, just as I had at my dad’s beside. That loud thunderous grief that I had been working through first with my husband and now my dad was being pulled back by the only One who has the power to restore a sense of quiet to my heart amongst the breaking waves.Verse 8 reads, “By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.”
Isn’t that a beautiful picture? By day and by night, He is the God of my life. So every moment in my life I have the promise that God is with me. In my thunderous grief and in the roaring silence He is there and I know that when I lie down and pray for His love to cover me it is with the assurance that as I sleep He rejoices over me with singing and that is a promise He has kept to me throughout these mighty waves called life.
"The Lord your God is with you,
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
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