Gratitude
I have not
been on social media too much these past few months. I could go into a lot of explanations, trust
me, 2024 has not been the easiest start to a year that I’ve ever experienced. But God has been with me every step of the
way and that has kept me from discouragement.
Excluding all my outside stresses, I found out late last year that I would have
surgery sometime this coming spring.
The waitlist would be long. Well,
unlike many people have experienced I was already called at the beginning of January
to say that surgery was scheduled for the third week of January, ok, that’s in two weeks, much quicker than I thought. This meant
getting all my ducks in a row for work, writing out all my responsibilities,
finding different people to take over those responsibilities and that was quite
time-consuming. My son Nick surprised me
by making plans to move home for 3 weeks following my surgery since I was told
that lying down and resting would be my new world for that time. Mark and Tina were grateful to Nick for doing that so that I would not
be recovering on my own.
Then the
day before my surgery the hospital called to say that I needed to be rescheduled
to the last week in February, someone with more urgent needs really needed my
spot. Back to the drawing board to
reschedule volunteers, thanking people for their prayers and asking them to
continue praying for my next surgery date.
A couple of people asked if I wasn’t angry and my answer was ‘no'. First, I wasn’t even expecting
to have this surgery until months down the road, so I was quite pleased that it looked like I
would potentially be up and moving by summer, but was I disappointed? Sure, but angry?
How can you be angry if someone else who is in a tougher spot than you
suddenly needs your surgeon’s help, nothing really to get angry about, that's life. Wes' first brain surgery was postponed because someone needed his spot more urgently, I'd been in this position before. Either way, I made the necessary changes for my job, asked Nick if he could reschedule and the waiting game began again.
My surgery
did happen on February 26th and though the surgery was, according to
my surgeon, a success, I woke up from it with a blinding migraine that lasted
for a day and a half. Mark and Tina had
come to the hospital just as I was in recovery, so they couldn't see me, but as soon as I was in my room the nurse told me that
someone had come to see me who said he was my son, she went on to describe him, he was a very
tall gentleman who had arrived with a very petite blonde woman. My mind was so out of it I couldn’t even comprehend
that I had a son and who was this phantom woman with the young man who claimed
to be my son. I mumbled some kind of
response to her and promptly went back to sleep. Mark and Tina returned and apparently my head
was a lot clearer because when they came into my room I started to laugh. “Oh, she meant you!” I then explained that I was still so out of
it when the nurse was talking to me that I couldn’t even remember I had
children, let alone who this tiny woman was who also wanted to see me. Brain fog at its best. We had a good laugh over that one.
Part of my
surgery was a complete hysterectomy and that meant lots of rest, no heavy
lifting and basically lounging on a couch with a good book or a list of Netflix
movies. Prior to my surgery a few friends
and family brought me books to read, movies to watch or suggested movies to
watch, food to eat and I felt so loved.
After the second week of my recovery I told Nick that he should be able to move back
home, I knew he was not enjoying working remotely, but he was so determined to
be there for me that he said he was sticking around and he endured it for the entire 3 weeks and I appreciated it so much!! When his 3 weeks was up
I knew saying ‘goodbye’ would be hard for both of us, we had grown used to each other's company and boy was the house going to feel empty, but
we both also knew that we were ok with going back to our own lives. My
kids were a bit bossy, constantly warning me about overdoing things, it was like they didn’t trust
that I would do things I wasn’t supposed to do, hmm, they were probably
right in worrying, but I had also heard too many stories of women who didn’t listen and then had to go back for corrective surgery and quite frankly I wasn’t interested
in that, so I behaved myself and I still am. It wasn’t terribly hard to obey doctor’s orders,
I don’t think I’ve ever slept that much during the day, ever. It was an unnatural tiredness and sometimes I
got discouraged thinking I would never feel normal again, but now I’m just over
two months recovered and I’m feeling close to normal. I still sleep more during the day than I
would have before, especially after I’ve worked a full day or when I’m done directing
a church service, I will go for lunch with Mark & Tina and my grandkids,
but then it’s straight home for a long 2 hour or so nap.
Could be my age too, but my surgeon assured me that it’s more than
likely still from the surgery. It could
take months, she said to get back to my usual energy level.
The week
after my surgery I received a text message from my surgeon with my test results
attached. Everything came back benign,
which was a dance around the kitchen praising the Lord kind of moment! I had not realized how much I was holding my
breath waiting for those results and how that gives you a new lease on life.
Still, there were
lots of moments where I wished that Wes could have been here for me, there’s
something about expressing fears and concerns with someone who knows you so intimately, who has the unique
ability to calm your heart and hold you when you’re scared and feeling overwhelmed. But I will say that I had outstanding support
in my kids, grandkids, family and friends. God
assured me many times, right when I needed reassurance, that I was not alone. Text messages and visits came at just the
right times, God’s people are a pretty special family!
So, that
brings me to today. Today is a day of mixed
emotions. You see, today would have been
our 40th wedding anniversary.
So, I’ve spent most of my day already remembering the different ways we
would have celebrated, but I also remember those days when we couldn’t afford to
celebrate and that was ok too. They are
all great memories, because they made a great life. It’s a day that
reminds me of how much I miss Wes. A few
weeks ago, I was watching my grandkids right after school and a number of
months ago they had asked if we could go to Papa’s grave. At the time it was snowy and cold, but this
day would maybe be a good day to try it.
It was still windy and cool, but without the snow it would be more
comfortable to be out there. As soon as
they got home after school, I pitched the idea to them, and they were
excited. Dom came and sat beside me on
the couch, looped his arm through mine, put his head on my shoulder and quietly
asked if we could go buy some flowers for Papa.
So, off we zipped to Walmart for a small bouquet. We spent a lot of time at the cemetery, they
wanted pictures, and they had a few questions.
Like, what were the dates under Papa’s name, they read the
scripture verse out loud and then they asked why my name was on the stone. We left a few flowers there for Papa and then
we went to visit Great Grandpa Wiebe, my dad’s grave. They left a flower for him too. Brooklyn had asked if it was ok if she kept
some of the flowers for herself as a reminder of what we had done that day. Absolutely!
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| The artist with her drawing |
I asked if
we should go for supper and off we went to KFC.
On the way there, Dom, who was seated directly behind me in the half ton
reached across and patted my shoulder.
He asked, “Mama, do you know what I prayed before we went to go see
Papa?” I said, “No, Dom, what did you pray?” He continued to pat my shoulder and said, “That
Papa would come alive again when we got there.” The truck
got quiet after that, but it then became a great opportunity for me to share with the
kids that right now Papa is more alive in Heaven than he ever was on
earth. I was able to share with them
what I believed about Heaven and that came from my relationship with Jesus
Christ, relaying my faith in kid’s terms.
And I knew by the way he had been patting my shoulder that his prayer
for Papa to come alive again was probably more for Mama than it was for himself
and that just made my heart burst with love.
So, today I spend time remembering, I’m so grateful for all the good times we had, I’m also grateful for the tough times we had, we learned to draw strength from one another, we both grew in our faith together, we learned to forgive easily, to laugh often and to love deeper. We only had 33 ½ years together, but if I had a chance to do it all over again, I would do that life one more time with him.
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| One day we will walk the streets of Heaven together. |
“What no
eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived-the
things God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9
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