Throughout the Generations

"Every experience God gives us, every person he puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation 

for the future that only he can see" - Corrie Ten Boom

Katherine Doell (My Grandma)

Her name was Katherine.  In 1915 she married the love of her life, Abram Doell.  Abram and Katherine started out their married life living in the barn that Abram had built on the land that he owned.  Over the years they had 7 children, Heinrich was born on July 17, 1916 and died that same day, Jake was born in 1918 and died in 1920 and Lena was born in 1923 and died of a convulsion while sitting in her high chair in 1925.  The grief over the death of those children was very difficult for Katherine, so difficult in fact that she never spoke of it to any of her children.  She and Abram had 4 children who survived, John, Tina, Bill and their youngest whom they named Anne.  Anne was born in the barn that they lived in on the farm and when Anne was 7 years old Abram bought the house that he had been raised in and moved it onto their yard for their little family. 

One evening Katherine received word that her youngest sister had passed away very suddenly leaving behind 4 small children, the youngest only 6 weeks old.   Katherine immediately went to stay with the young family for the night and it seemed as though the overall stress of the situation became too much for her because the next day she suffered a brain aneurism and passed away a week later.  She was only 61. 

Anne - 16 years old (My mom)

At this time the older two children John and Tina were already married and living on their own, but Bill and Anne who were the two youngest were still at home.  Bill was 24 and Anne was only 19 years old when their mom passed away and even though Anne was still very young she needed to take over the housework and much of the work on the farm while Bill helped his grieving father work in the fields.  Chores, cleaning, cooking and milking cows were now all Anne’s responsibility and she felt somewhat overwhelmed taking over her mom’s role. 

Anne was very grateful that her mom had taught her how to bake bread and perform many other household tasks at an early age, so she could step into this role fairly easily and even though there were the everyday tasks that needed to be looked after there were often times when Anne enjoyed challenging herself to try new things.  One day she decided to bake her very first chocolate pie, covering it with an extremely generous helping of whipped cream and proudly took it out as a special surprise to her dad and brother Bill who were working in the field.  The men enjoyed that pie immensely which really pleased her, but what was the most meaningful to her was when her dad looked at her with tears in his eyes and said, “How do you do all these things?   You have learned so much!” 

Anne appreciated the fact that her dad was so proud of her and though she didn’t really know herself how she managed to learn to do everything so capably she is quick to acknowledge that it would not have been possible without God walking alongside her during this difficult time.  She believes that over the years God had been carefully preparing her for this shift in her life without her mom.   But the pain of living life without her mom would remain with her for the rest of her life.  She missed her mom so very much during those early years and still does.

Anne has often talked about the wonderful relationship she had with her mom.  There was complete trust and a deeply loving relationship built on mutual respect and open communication.  She knew that she could talk to her mom about anything and that she could confide in her mom knowing that her mother respected her enough to maintain that confidence.  

As with many moms, Anne’s mom knew her very well.  She knew that Anne loved clothes and once in a while she would buy Anne something really pretty and one time it was even a dress from the Eaton’s catalogue.  One special memory Anne has of her mom was the day that she came home from school and her mom had the most beautiful smile on her face and Anne didn’t understand why her mom was so happy but soon found out it was because her mom had bought  Anne a brand new pair of shoes. 

Having that warm and loving relationship with her mom made losing her so suddenly that much more difficult.  At such a young age there were so many things that she knew her mom was going to miss out on throughout her life.  Knowing who Anne would marry and seeing Anne walk down the aisle in her wedding dress would be moments that Katherine would never be a part of.  An incredibly difficult realization was that her mom would never get to meet her babies that came a few years later and oh how Katherine would have loved those grandbabies! 

I was one of those babies, the youngest of three girls. 

The reason I share this piece of my history with you is because I had forgotten that my mom had lost her mom so young, well not really forgotten but it's like an 'aha' moment where God reminds you that someone close understands more than you realize.   My mom has often said, “I can feel for you and the boys.”  And remembering this part of my mom's story has opened my eyes a bit more so that I can understand that she “gets it”.   Although she would be the first to say that she doesn’t understand everything that we are going through still she can identify with our hurt, especially my boys.  She knows the grief that my children bear because she has also carried that same heartache of losing a parent. 

She has also been honest with me and said that she doesn’t understand what I’m going through with losing a spouse so young, but says that she understands how hard it is for my children to see me suffering because she watched her dad suffer and grieve after her mom died.

Kinsley & Great-Grandma 

Does my mom understand what my children are experiencing?  Without a doubt.  Their story of loss only changes in the details but the overall picture of grief is the same.  That sorrow that my mom experienced in losing her

mom when she was only 19 years old has given her the wisdom to know how to walk together with me, my children and my grandchildren even now 64 years later.  I'm so glad that I still have my mom to support and love me through this. You know, no matter how old we get we all need our moms, we never outgrow our need to feel their unconditional love and acceptance of who we are.  My mom knows she can't change our situation, so she does the next best thing, she simply loves and constantly prays. 

And so we do this journey of grieving together, as a family and yet we can face the future with confidence and comfort because God's faithfulness continues from one generation to another.  

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4