Brown Water and Jesus

Last week Monday Wes was scheduled to have a follow-up MRI before his next round of chemo would begin this week. The MRI seemed to drag on for quite a long time, when Wes finally came out he said that he had nearly fallen asleep during the test and I was in panic mode because I didn’t know why it was taking so long.  I found out later that the tech had explained to Wes that the doctor had ordered extra tests which was fine.
  

After our appointment we decided to go for coffee at a Tim’s down St. James.  I ordered a coffee and Wes ordered a muffin and water, just plain water, not bottled water just tap water.  Wes took my coffee and his muffin and I said I would wait for his water so he could go sit down. The young clerk who was getting our order ready was extremely polite and very eager to please, very very eager to please.  He grabbed a cup, filled it with ice and took water from the tap, filling the cup.  Then he stood and stared into the cup for the longest time and I’m watching him trying to figure out what he’s looking at.  He then turns to a co-worker and shows him the cup of water and then they both stand there staring into the cup.  The co-worker shrugs his shoulders and I can read his lips as he says, “It’s ok”  The young man stares into the cup again and then slowly made his way over to me.  He stood in front of me and I can tell he’s not comfortable.  He then carefully holds the cup over the counter and shows me the water, it’s a very light brown color, not terribly appetizing and then he asks me if I thought it looked alright. 

I stare into the cup just like he had done a short while ago and then I ask, “Hmmm, is it drinkable?”

I can tell he’s not happy at all with his brown water and I’m not too thrilled with it either.  He puts up his hand and says, “Please wait a minute!” and he takes off to the back I’m presuming to talk to another co-worker or maybe a supervisor.  He’s gone quite a long time and then finally comes out again and he seems much happier.

He walks over to me and carefully begins to explain, “I’m going to give your husband some hot water from our tap because that water is purified and then I will also give him a big cup of ice to make it cold and then it will be better water!”  His smile is huge.

I smiled back at him and respond, “Ok” 

I watch him take hot water from their tap connected to their coffee maker then he takes another large cup and fills it with ice, just like he said he would.  He then began pouring the water back and forth with the ice at least 4 or 5 times; finally he seems happy with the water and comes over to me, beaming.  He proudly shows me the very clear and much more appetizing water.

“This is better yes?” His smile just can’t get any bigger.

I smile back at him and said, “Yes, that’s much better!” and then thank him for all his work.  He smiled and nodded prouder than punch at the turnout of his hard work. 

I joined Wes at the table and presented him with his specially prepared water and told him how much work this Tim’s employee went to just to make sure that Wes was going to have nice clean water.  We both chuckled over the episode and then sat back to enjoy our coffee time.  I enjoyed my coffee as Wes enjoyed his water, which he now felt obligated to finish considering all the work that went into it.

I was thinking about what happened in that Tim’s off and on for the rest of the week and surprisingly, it’s not about the experience of that awful brown water I keep thinking about, but, the young man who worked so hard to make sure he gave us something better.

God always wants something better for us too.  He gave us Jesus.  Our lives can look like that brown dirty water, unappetizing and unappealing.   But, he’s not satisfied leaving me in that filthy life.  When Jesus wants to present us to the Father his greatest desire is that we are whole and clean and better than when we started out.

Sometimes that means he has to put us in hot water and that’s not fun.  But, he doesn’t leave us there, ever.  Just like the young man then added ice and moved the water back and forth until it was clean, Christ gently pours his love into our lives and then simply continues to gently and carefully blend his love back and forth, over and over until someone looking into your life can’t tell where Jesus starts and you end. 

A few days later on that Friday we went to meet with Dr. Rathod who was going to give us the test results from the MRI and give us our prescription for the next round of Wes’ chemo.  Wes had his blood work done, we filled out our regular forms and then began to wait.  A couple walked in and they were our age, she was in a wheelchair and he was walking beside.  They came in for paperwork.  For palliative care and my heart breaks for them.  They are called quickly away but not before I wonder if that will be our life down the road.  I pick up my phone and check Facebook, a good distraction from letting my thoughts go down a dark road.  Our nurse calls us in and she seems unusually happy but I think she’s just trying to be positive for our sake.  We go into the doctor’s office and she asks the normal questions she always asks, “How are things going?”  “Any pain, headaches, numbness or tingling?”  Wes answers ‘no’ to all of them. 

Then she turns to me, “Is he able to comprehend everything you are saying to him?”  “Is he able to listen and understand when you talk to him?”

I look at her for just a heartbeat and start chuckling, “Does he listen and understand what I’m saying?  Honey he hasn’t done that for 33 years!  That’s called marriage!”  We both share a laugh as Wes simply shakes his head.

She walks out and the doctor walks in.  He’s really young, good grief do they go to medical school when they are 12?  But he’s super polite and he has a big smile on his face.  I hope that means good news!

“The tumor has shrunk!” he says.  My brain doesn’t absorb it, wait, what?

His smile gets even bigger.  He holds up his hand and points to his index finger, “The tumor was about this large, about 5 cm and it is now 3.2 cm.  It has shrunk!”  He goes on to tell us about how excited all the doctors who were involved in looking at Wes’ scans and as he’s talking I’m still trying to comprehend.

Finally I ask, “Are you serious?”

“Yes!” he says emphatically, “It has shrunk!”

I reach over and place my hand on Wes’ knee and respond with, “So, that means I get to keep him for a while longer?”

“Yes!” he says, his enthusiasm for this good news still written all over his face.

I’m quiet for a couple of seconds and then I said, “Hmmm, this is sort of a good news bad news situation isn’t it?”

The poor doctor wasn’t sure how to respond, his eyes are sparkling and I think he wants to laugh but he’s not sure how Wes feels about that comment.  Wes smirks and shakes his head.  The doctor looks and him and says, “I didn’t say anything!”  Wes laughs and so does the doctor.  We darn near go skipping out of the brain tumor clinic; I don’t know can 54 year olds skip in public?  I think after news like that skipping is allowed.

So, back to the brown water.  You know, we’re not completely out of hot water mode, but Jesus has added just enough ice to cool the situation down for us a bit.  He’s still gently moving us back and forth, back and forth and you know, that’s ok because he’s got this.  Whatever the future holds, he’s the one holding the future.  We believe that, I don’t know how else to cope with this except to believe that.  Even as I write this I feel the warmth of his love in full measure, overflowing and oh so comforting.  It is like a balm to my head and to my heart.  We have hope in life and in death.  He will be there.

And one day Jesus will stand with me in front of the Father with the blood of his sacrifice hiding this murky brown sinful life of mine and just like the young man who proudly held out the new clean clear water over the counter to me I can picture Jesus smiling at the Father as he presents me to him, clean and free of sin and he will say, “This is better yes?”

And the Father will respond, “Yes, my son, this is much better!”

And that’s the best news of all!

"What is man that You take thought of him, human beings that You care for them?"   Psalm 8:4