TELL YOUR HEART TO BEAT AGAIN

This post will be short and sweet...

Today Wes would have been 57 years old.  Last year I would say that I merely survived this day and yet oddly enough this year has not been much easier. So many memories; his smile, his silly jokes, his early morning phone calls, his surprise dates and his kind quiet nature.  How did such a quiet man leave such a deafening hole in our lives?  

Inevitably Wes would always start his birthday with the same old joke, “Well, now I’ve caught up with you!”  I was 2 months older than him.  Then his next comment would be, “How old are we this year?”  He truly never paid attention to his age, which drove me crazy.  

Well Wes, today is one of those days when your death feels so surreal.  I look at how alive you are in our family pictures on the walls of our house, on my desk at work and it’s still hard to comprehend that you are not coming back.  Your grandchildren and your children still talk about you openly and lovingly and they allow me the freedom to do the same.  You would not believe how much our grandbabies have grown!  They are getting so big, but they haven’t forgotten you.  

I really miss our conversations, just those random talks we used to have when we would drive to the city or Grand Forks for your birthday supper.  Those conversations that went on and on, sometimes deeply spiritual, often about nothing in particular, many times reminiscing, other times dreaming big dreams and it didn’t matter if the topics were repetitive, we just enjoyed being together.  You truly were my best friend!  

This morning as I watched a gorgeous sunrise I wondered whether Heaven would be doing something special for your birthday. Of course I could just see you shake your head with that smirk of yours and say, "Why would they?  It's not that important!"  

Either way, for me this day needed to begin with worship, so I took out my phone and as I watched the shifting orange in the sky I began to listen to a few different worship songs in my playlist.  One of the songs was Tell Your Heart To Beat Again by Danny Gokey.  I have listened to this song a few times before but this time for some reason my playlist had added the video of Danny sharing the story behind the song which oddly enough I had never heard before.  I had not chosen that particular version of Danny’s song, not sure how it actually got into my playlist, but I’m learning that God does what He needs to do for me to hear His message.  I believe this was one of those moments. 

We all miss you so much; you were a wonderful Papa, a caring dad and a loving husband.  Every day we take another brave but shakey step into our future without you, but never without the shelter of the love you shared so generously, the everyday life lessons you offered us and the life you built for us. With God’s help, we are learning to tell our hearts to beat again.

Happy Birthday!