I love you this much...
But, while a number of my fellow students seem to have complete direction for their lives, either getting married, finding jobs or going on to university or college, I couldn't seem to find my way. I finally landed a job that fall and I really enjoyed it.
One of the responsibilities I had was to interpret for some of the women who came in that could only speak Low German. Even though my Low German wasn't that great I could get by with a little help from a co-worker who was very fluent.
There were some really funny times, sometimes a play on words that caused the women to laugh as I struggled to translate their words. There are some Low German words that have double meanings and that can lead to awkward and humorous situations. But, the women were kind and patient with me as I stumbled over my words.
But, there were some really sad times in this job as well. As an 18 year old I was sometimes privy to listening too and interpreting any abuse that some of these women would share and it happened more often than I could imagine. At that age I had always assumed that this was something that happened in the big cities or on TV, but never did I think that it happened this close to home and certainly not as violent as some described. My heart broke for these women, but, I needed to keep my feelings out of it and simply relay the message as accurately as I could.
But, there were some really sad times in this job as well. As an 18 year old I was sometimes privy to listening too and interpreting any abuse that some of these women would share and it happened more often than I could imagine. At that age I had always assumed that this was something that happened in the big cities or on TV, but never did I think that it happened this close to home and certainly not as violent as some described. My heart broke for these women, but, I needed to keep my feelings out of it and simply relay the message as accurately as I could.
Fast Forward a couple of decades and I'm no longer 18, but a 30 something wife and mother who was being hospitalized periodically because of bouts with pancreatitis. The attacks would come swiftly and with an enormous amount of pain which meant quick trips to the emergency room at the hospital where I would promptly receive my dose of Demoral. Then once the drugs had kicked in I was brought into a hospital room so that I could begin to rest for the next few days.
I lay in my bed hooked up to IV and fell into a deep sleep. I don't know how long I had been sleeping when there was a loud noise beside me that woke me up. Apparently my roommate's husband had joined us in the room and he was livid. He was furious that his wife had been brought to the hospital and to emphasis that point he had take the garbage can that was beside her bed and he flung it against the wall and it bounced to my side of the room.
He was yelling at her, calling her foul names in Low German. I could barely open my eyes, and though I couldn't focus enough to understand everything he was saying there were some ugly words that I understood very clearly as he stood over her hospital bed shouting at her. I felt pretty helpless, the drug that I had been given was meant to help me relax and feel as little as possible so that I could rest, but in the same breath you were so drowsy that you felt helpless to defend yourself if this man decided to keep throwing things around the room. It was a very scary situation.
Now, you have to remember that at that time the call button for the nurses station was clipped onto the sheet of your bed somewhere up by your shoulder and I had no idea exactly where it was or even which side it was on because I didn't even know my right from my left at that point. So I could only hope that someone would come soon to diffuse the situation. Her husband continued to yell at her as she lay there and she slowly raised herself up and tried to calm him with soft words and a quiet voice, but that seemed to only infuriate him more. Finally a couple of nurses and a doctor came to escort him out and we could both breathe a sigh of relief.
His wife lay back down in her bed not saying a word and after the nurses confirmed that she was alright she snuggled down into her blanket and went to sleep.
I lay in my bed hooked up to IV and fell into a deep sleep. I don't know how long I had been sleeping when there was a loud noise beside me that woke me up. Apparently my roommate's husband had joined us in the room and he was livid. He was furious that his wife had been brought to the hospital and to emphasis that point he had take the garbage can that was beside her bed and he flung it against the wall and it bounced to my side of the room.
He was yelling at her, calling her foul names in Low German. I could barely open my eyes, and though I couldn't focus enough to understand everything he was saying there were some ugly words that I understood very clearly as he stood over her hospital bed shouting at her. I felt pretty helpless, the drug that I had been given was meant to help me relax and feel as little as possible so that I could rest, but in the same breath you were so drowsy that you felt helpless to defend yourself if this man decided to keep throwing things around the room. It was a very scary situation.
Now, you have to remember that at that time the call button for the nurses station was clipped onto the sheet of your bed somewhere up by your shoulder and I had no idea exactly where it was or even which side it was on because I didn't even know my right from my left at that point. So I could only hope that someone would come soon to diffuse the situation. Her husband continued to yell at her as she lay there and she slowly raised herself up and tried to calm him with soft words and a quiet voice, but that seemed to only infuriate him more. Finally a couple of nurses and a doctor came to escort him out and we could both breathe a sigh of relief.
His wife lay back down in her bed not saying a word and after the nurses confirmed that she was alright she snuggled down into her blanket and went to sleep.
The next day her and I had a chance to talk and throughout the next few days the more we talked, the closer we became. I asked her why she was there and she explained that she had asked her husband a question that had enraged him and so he had thrown her up against the wall. Then that didn't seem to be enough to appease his anger so he had grabbed her by the shoulders and had slammed her into the corner of a door frame. The corner of the door frame had been shoved in between her shoulder blades. She was a small dainty woman and from what I could tell about him through my drug induced fog was that he was quite tall and from the way the garbage can flew across the room he was pretty strong too. That night she gave me a glimpse into what her life had been like with this man. It had been a life of constant abuse, both verbally and physically. We talked way into the night, in fact the nurses had to come in a few times to remind us that we both needed to rest.
We were roommates for about 4 days and I missed her when her family came to take her back to her home. I still have a picture of her tucked away in one of my photo albums and I have thought about her often after our time together, but I never saw her again. She passed away a few years ago, I was surprised to see her face in the obituary section of the Pembina Times and I wondered what her last years had been like. But I knew that whatever had happened she probably handled it with grace and dignity, praying to the Savior she loved deeply.
We were roommates for about 4 days and I missed her when her family came to take her back to her home. I still have a picture of her tucked away in one of my photo albums and I have thought about her often after our time together, but I never saw her again. She passed away a few years ago, I was surprised to see her face in the obituary section of the Pembina Times and I wondered what her last years had been like. But I knew that whatever had happened she probably handled it with grace and dignity, praying to the Savior she loved deeply.
I didn't understand how she could be so accepting of her life, I didn't understand how she wasn't bitter or angry. But, I watched her read her Bible and I listened to her pray and wow, how she prayed. We became so comfortable with each other that we never had the curtain that separated our beds pulled shut. We began praying together, we ate together, we laughed and cried together. I slowly began to understand this beautiful woman. God was shining through her. Her eyes were so clear and happy and it so obviously came from her relationship with Christ. This was not the life that Christ had for her but He was the reason she was surviving it.
Though her husband beat her, she was not beaten down, though he disrespected her, she radiated grace, though he was loud and offensive, she was soft-spoken and kind. Though he had made her life a hell here on earth she spoke to me of the day she would see Heaven.
I want to be like her.
But, sometimes I'm like him.
Different package, but the same problem..a sinful, selfish nature.
No one sin is greater than another, sometimes that's not an easy concept to grasp. But then sometimes my thoughts and feelings can be just as deadly and dangerous as another person's actions and in my heart I know that's the truth.
"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:5-7
I want to be like her.
But, sometimes I'm like him.
Different package, but the same problem..a sinful, selfish nature.
No one sin is greater than another, sometimes that's not an easy concept to grasp. But then sometimes my thoughts and feelings can be just as deadly and dangerous as another person's actions and in my heart I know that's the truth.
"It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:5-7
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Shirley