If We Could Talk One More Time

If I could talk to you one more time there’s so many things I would want to say.  I’d want you to know that I’m doing ok, my heart is still broken, I miss you more than I could say, but, I’m doing ok.  I’d want to say ‘thank you’ for always encouraging me to be strong and independent, to love life and to live every moment and I’d want to say ‘thank you’ for the wonderful life we had together.

If we could talk one more time there’s so many day to day things I’d want to share.  I’d want to tell you how proud you would be that Nic won a pretty big competition at work and that Mark is working hard to keep your truck running smoothly on the road and that I even saw him wearing winter boots a couple of times, which I know would have made you chuckle!  I’d want to tell you that Tina is a strong support for me and our family and that your grandbabies are growing and changing constantly but that they still miss you like crazy.  I’d want you to know that your youngest granddaughter has your eyes and every time I look at her and she smiles her eyes sparkle and I see you.  I’d want you to know how much our children have been walking alongside and encouraging me to continue living and that I know they would love nothing more than one more conversation with you too.

I’d want you to know that extended family has been there supporting me, they’ve taken the familial love to the next level through their prayers, actions and care and that they miss you too. 

I’d want you to know that we have wonderful friends who still care for me weekly, who pray and text and love me and our family.  They allow me to cry and say how much I miss you and they even get me to laugh again. 

I’d want you to know that our church family has been so supportive and loving.  How our neighbor has come over to clean off the yard so I could get to work and how another took the time to train my new driver, how so many others have offered to do whatever they can so that I can stay on the farm comfortably. 

I’d want to tell you all the funny things that happen at work and I’d want to talk to you about the wonderful sermons our pastors have been preaching and that I'm still praising the God we loved together. 

I’d want you to know that I hired a young man to drive and care for your truck and he’s a really nice and thoughtful young man that I think you would have quickly become friends with. 

I’d want you to know how supportive Monarch has been and that I’m working hard to run the business like you would have wanted, with integrity.

I’d even want you to know that sometimes I feel angry because you are in a place that I can’t be right now and that most times it still feels very surreal that you are gone and I feel like I've been left behind. 

I'd want you to know that I often make the mistake of thinking, “I can’t wait to tell Wes…” and that I’ve accidently dialed your cell number and that I sometimes call your sons by your name.

I’d want you to know that I bought my first pair of workboots and that they have nothing to do with fashion but everything to do with warmth.  I know you would have laughed at that.

I’d want you to know that I think of you whenever I hear the truck leave the yard in the morning and that last night when we were sitting at the supper table and the truck came home Kinsley excitedly said, “Papa’s home!”   

Oh how we wish you were!

I'd want you to know that the nights are still hard and that I miss your sarcastic humor.

I’d want you to know that I’m so very grateful that the last audible words you ever spoke to me were “I love you!” and that the last words you heard me say before you slipped away were “I love you!”

I’d want you to know that you were right all those years when you would remind me over and over that “God will take care of us!” because He has and He has surprised us more than a few times and protected and guided us in so many ways.  He's the God you always proclaimed Him to be!

I’d want you to know that you are missed every day and that I love you and that even though I have to let go of the life that you and I had together here on this earth and that as much as I would want too I can't physically hold you here, still you have left your mark on me and our family, your imprint has been woven into our lives through your prayers for us, your love for us and your wise words that taught us how to live.  I will hold fast to those things because I believe that by choosing to continue moving forward I am doing exactly what you would have wanted and that is to choose life.

I took this pic on the way to work yesterday