I Choose Worship
In
John 19 there is a verse that talks about Jesus and his mother and it says that when Jesus saw his mother there, and the
disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, "Woman here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
Why
did he choose John to look after his grieving mother? I’ve read different commentaries on why he
would choose John and mostly the answer has to do with his spiritual
strength. He truly believed. Why would Mary need that? We think that this is the woman who was such
an example of pure faith that she was chosen to carry the Messiah, she had an
angel speak to her and she never questioned it, she had miraculous things
happen throughout the Christmas story that would suggest that she had an
immensely strong faith. So, why would
she need such strong, specific support?
I
wonder and I could be totally wrong, but, I wonder if Jesus also understood
that in her profound grief she would need someone of strong faith to comfort her. And maybe, just maybe He knew that Mary might
have doubts creeping in and because of that she would need John’s reassurances
of Heaven. She would have John to remind
her of all the miraculous stories they had experienced together. They could reminisce and share through their
tears and I’m sure even laughter. But,
those are just my thoughts.
In
our profound grief we need those around us who share the same beliefs as us. Why?
Because over and over we need others to remind us that we are not alone
and that Heaven is real.
A
few people have asked if I am going to the Christmas day service at church
today. Technically I’m on holidays so I
really would not need to be there, but I will go. Not for any other reason than the need that I
feel to be close to God by worshipping with His people. There’s something soothing about being in the
presence of God singing together with hundreds of others who believe the same way
you do. There’s a little bit of healing
that happens to your wounded heart when you hear the Word of God being preached. I now ‘drink in’ God’s teaching as I’ve never
done before.
Why? Because my heart is hurting and hearing God’s
Word spoken is a balm for that hurt. It
doesn’t take the pain away but, how do I say this? It is soothing. like ice cold water on a
burn. You know the burn is still there
but oh man that cold water feels good on it and you just want it to go on and
on.
So,
today is Christmas and with that I choose to begin my day by celebrating with
God’s family. So, I will go to church
and I will run that ice cold water over my burning, aching heart with worship,
with God’s Word and with God’s people. Because
yesterday was hard and today will be harder.
There
will be an empty place at our Christmas table.
There
will be no gifts with Wes’ name written on it beneath the tree.
I
will have no hand to hold while waiting for our little family to come bursting
in the door.
There
will be no moments of dad sitting and smiling as his children share a funny
story with him.
There
will be no need to be quiet because Papa is napping.
There
will be no pictures of Papa holding his grandbabies on his lap in his favorite
chair.
But,
there will still be smiles and laughter.
There will be conversations that may begin with, “If dad were here…” or “Do you remember when dad…?” There will be hugs and more hugs. We will enjoy the food, we’ll open our gifts,
and we’ll play our card games and eat too much junk food. We’ll laugh at the grandkids in their silly
moments and we’ll fill this house with love, so much love.
And
God will be here.
We
can’t run away from our grief and I will not walk on eggshells around it or
pretend it’s not there, that takes way too much effort. Because it’s real and it’s a part of my life. So, I embrace it, express it and share it openly
through tears and words and that helps me work through it for that day.
So,
Mary, I think I get why Jesus entrusted you to John. He wanted you to have a safe place to express
yourself in whatever way you needed knowing that John would be able to comfort
you with a spiritual comforting that only comes from someone who knows Jesus
personally.
So,
in my mind I think, wow, Jesus loves me so much! He is surrounding me with not just one, but, a
host of people who will walk through this pain with me, friends who will offer
words of encouragement when sorrow overtakes me, those who share scriptures and
care in tangible ways and so many who will simply give a smile or a wave when
words fail them but those simple gestures will speak volumes of healing to my
heart.
That
is my church family. That is WMBC.
And
I will begin my Christmas day with a celebration of the birth of Christ with
you.
 |
| Christmas at Cable Lake 2016 |
Comments
As I read your blog it was so similar to what Mitch and I experienced after the death of our son Josh. We chose to go to church that Sunday morning just a few days after Josh died. And some well-meaning parishioners were astounded that we would be in church! And for us it was just as you described it - "Why wouldn't we want to be in a place where we are surrounded by people who share the same beliefs we do, who love Jesus, who love us. Yes, the pain of loss is real and raw, but there is such soothing comfort being in the presence of the people of God who are tuned to worship of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
We cried through every song that was sung, but oh such healing as we sang the words that affirmed our faith and trust in the One who knows our way and walks with us in the thin and thick of life. And the preaching of God's Word like you said is a healing balm to our wounded souls.
Our thoughts and prayers are centered much around you and your family at this time of year when the celebration of family highlights the loss of the member who is no longer with us. May God's comforting presence and peace garrison your heart and mind as you trust Him for each new day.
"Each new day He does not fail." - Zephaniah 3:5c