This Highway Called Life

Thanksgiving weekend, we are on our way to Wes’ mom and dad’s for a gathering and we reach the corner of 15^th street and highway 14 waiting to turn south.  Not my favorite intersection to be in but I guess you sometimes have to live dangerously.  We are facing west and waiting for the light to change which always feels like it takes forever.  The traffic east and west begins moving when I hear Wes gasp beside me.  I turn to look at him, “What’s wrong?”

“That woman just ran straight through traffic on a red!  Look, she’s now parked in the middle of the intersection!”

Sure enough, there she sat as traffic zoomed in front and behind her.  How she made it through without getting hit we have no idea.  My turning light came on and I pulled up behind her, along with a few other vehicles behind me and we became a parking lot in the middle of the intersection.  I give a short toot on the horn, no movement from the outside of the car, but, I can see her frantically looking back and forth on the inside.  So, I give a longer toot, still nothing except head movement.  I know the light is going to change soon and there will be serious issues if we don’t get out of the way.  So, I give the horn a good blast.  I see her head continuing to move back and forth at a more rapid speed (which I didn’t think was possible) and then suddenly she cranks her wheel to the right.  Wait!  What!?!  And thaaaar she goes!  Straight down the turning lane of the oncoming eastbound traffic!  My mouth drops open and I look across at the young man facing me in the vehicle waiting to cross from 15^th and his mouth is wide open as well.  But, what are you going to do?  I quickly cross over so we can clear the intersection for the east west traffic and say a quick prayer for her safety.

I’ve thought of that woman off and on for the past few days.  Why?  Well, because right now I’m feeling a bit like she must have been feeling that day.  Blindly crossing over the highway in a deadly move against a red light, then looking from left to right in complete and utter confusion not sure what to do.   Yup, that’s where my head is at. 

It’s not a good day.  It hasn’t been a good week.  Everything has sort of slowed to a stop and it feels as though we can’t move forward.

Let me start from the beginning.  Last Friday we went in for our test results and they were not good.  I have not been feeling comfortable sharing too much publically but I also know it’s not been fair to not say anything to the many of you who are praying, texting, sending messages of love and concern.  But I also don’t want rumors to abound that are not helpful to either Wes, myself or our little family.  So, I will share.

Here we go; the tumor is growing back.  It is almost back to the size it was back in May.  The Temozolimide is no longer effective.  A new treatment option is being worked on.  He’s been experiencing extreme fatigue this week and he’s somewhat discouraged.  We have been given an appointment to see the oncologist at HSC this Friday at 1p.m. to figure out a plan.  We’ve been encouraged to contact Mayo clinic again to see if they would reconsider the neuroblate as a treatment option, which I’ve done.  They talked about the possibility of another craniotomy, but, not sure if the neurosurgeons believe this to be an option.  Many short sentences that speak volumes about our life right now.

So, for today we sit and wonder and wait.

Thankful that God gives peace and strength as we need.

I hold Wes’ hand to offer love and strength.

And I am so very thankful that God holds us both in the palm of his hand.

I try to convey through my words, my silence and my care for him the absolute love I have for him.

And yet I know God loves him more.

We are both looking this way and that, unsure of what the next step is.

Still we keep our minds and our hearts fixed on Jesus.

But my heart tells me that we have just turned into oncoming traffic.

Thankfully the Spirit who dwells in us is always with us, no matter the avenue we are on, he is our helper.

And my heart breaks because through no choice of our own I know that we are now entering the danger zone.

But, God will help us to navigate this turbulent time in our life. He is our refuge and strength.

We need your prayers.

Another short sentence that speaks volumes.

 “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  …No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.   For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:35-39